Figuring Out Your Birth Philosophy for A Better Birth

I’m sure if you’re here you have probably thought at least a little bit about how you “hope” your birth might go. But how do you know what you really want out of it?  Of course, a healthy baby and momma are key, but what else?

The thing to start with is figuring out your birth philosophy.  What is that?!  The way you think birth is meant to or “should” be.  Some people believe that birth is best done in a controlled environment with skilled providers ready to help birth be as easy and painless as possible. Others believe that our bodies grew the baby, they know how the baby needs to be birthed with minimum to no assistance from outside influences, including providers.  Still others believe that birth can be a beautiful sacred experience where both parents feel empowered no matter how baby needs to be born because they are respected, heard, and informed. Anything in between those examples could be your birth philosophy.

So, how do you decide where you stand in your birth philosophy? You can ask yourself the questions below to help you determine what your birth philosophy includes.

How do I feel about birth as a normal, natural process?

How do I want to cope with the pain of childbirth?  Medication, movement, water, etc?

Who Do I want there?

Where do I feel most safe or most at peace when I think about having my baby?

Do I have some anxiety about pain or childbirth? If yes, will learning more through a childbirth class ease that anxiety or make it worse?

Who do I trust to care for myself and my baby through pregnancy? OB, midwife?

Now there are pros and cons of all philosophies of birth. At SJ Childbirth Education & Doula Services we believe that clients should never feel judged because of their birth philosophy or choices. They should never feel bad or make choices on what their doula will think. If a cesarean is what you need to help your anxiety about the unknowns of birth, we will support that and make sure it’s a special experience for you.  If you want an epidural because you know you can’t do the pain, by all means we will help and support you in that. If you want a home birth with a midwife and no other medical tools, we will support you in that.  If plans change for you, we will be there to hold your hand and help you navigate the next steps. That’s our job, and we love it! 

Next week, we’ll talk about differences in providers and how the provider you choose can effect your birth experience.

Tell us about your birth philosophy! We’d love to connect with you!

The Highest and Hardest Calling

Happy Mother’s Day!!

I can’t help but think about all the women in my life at this time of year. All of the women who have mothered me. They may not have been mothers to their own children yet (or ever), they may not have seen themselves that way, but I do. I am so grateful for them. Their love, care, and guidance. Their examples of faith, determination, and endurance. They have all had an impact on me and who I am today.

So, thank you. Thank you, to ALL those who choose to mother in word and deed. Those who have allowed me to mother them and be a part of their paths and motherhood journeys. You are all amazing and special women. You are loved and needed. I hope that all mothers everywhere know just how well they really are doing at this highest and hardest calling in life. The calling of Wife and Mother.

Much Love!

Sarah Jones

Postpartum: Surprising Realties of the Postpartum Stage

Just like labor and birth are different for each person, so is postpartum.  Postpartum isn’t thought about nearly as much as labor and birth, so naturally there are a lot of expectations that don't match reality which can hurt a new family and especially the young or inexperienced parent.  In this article we’ll talk about some of the common postpartum expectations and realities and their impacts on new parents.

Most new parents (especially the mother) probably think most about their physical recovery after birth. They may think about how their body looks and how sexual intimacy might be, instead of how they might feel and how much their body may need to rest and heal.  Neither way is bad but the reality as a new parent and especially the one who gave birth is that your body has just done a lot of work that you can’t see.  It then does the heavy work of healing for several weeks.  Expecting to be able to continue as you were before your baby - exercising, housekeeping, working, etc. - is unrealistic.  The first 4-6 weeks following birth is when things are still physically healing. Especially the first two weeks.  If you can stay off your feet more than you are on them then you should be able to keep yourself from overdoing it, physically.  Getting adequate nutrition is also important.  Not doing so can result in increased fatigue, low energy, and low mood.  Having friends and neighbors or a paid meal service bring you meals at this time may be very helpful.  Also, having help with cleaning and housekeeping, unless you have a partner at home with you, can help you in adjusting to the new realities of early postpartum.

Postpartum expectations for bonding are usually that it just happens magically. The baby is here and you love them!  They’re beautiful and everything is wonderful!  The reality is, even if your birth went exactly how you expected and wanted, infants can have issues sleeping, feeding, and burping.  Infants need you for everything, which means one or both parents may end up being very sleep deprived and overwhelmed by the amount of care that their baby actually requires.  This as well as the fluctuating hormones of postpartum can really contribute to how the new parents’ emotional adjustments go.

The postpartum emotional adjustment is sometimes discussed at prenatal visits, in term of the signs of baby blues and postpartum depression, but for the most part new parents can be in the dark about how the emotions of the postpartum period may feel.  They might expect some sadness or mood issues but assume surely it won’t be that bad, “I’ll have the baby and it will be worth it,” or “I have my partner to help me.”  Which may be true but in reality your partner may be new to this, too.  Those who are close to new parents and supposed to be their support system cannot read their thoughts.  As a parent you may feel sad or anxious or suicidal, but unless we tell someone they don’t know.  They can’t be expected to know.  Which means if you as a new parent have these thoughts it’s important that you tell someone. It’s a good idea to practice being emotionally honest with someone before birth to make it easier to do so after birth. It can be a partner, family member, friend, or doula. Once that honesty is established they can then help the new parents be aware of when things are beyond baby blues and may need some extra help, like from a provider or other professional. When new parents have these feelings and need extra help I like to remind them, that they are a good parent that is doing what they can to be the best they can for their child.

No one expects feeding their newborn to be hard, but if there are delivery issues, or a baby has lip or tongue tie issues, there are nipple issues, etc. feeding can be very challenging.  Even those who prepare with classes and do “all the right things” can have milk supply issues or babies can have food sensitivities to milk or formula that create issues with growth or gut.  The realities of feeding issues can again contribute to a harder emotional adjustment and overwhelmed new parents. If new parents are having trouble with feeding there are definitely resources they can reach out to. Usually a good place to start is the local WIC/Health Department. They usually have lactation counselors that can help reassure parents and make suggestions when needed.

Most new parents don’t expect to need a lot of external support or they may expect to rely on family or close friends with little to no experience to support them in the postpartum period.  In reality as mentioned above external support can be crucial in helping you be successful in this transition.  The more training and experience that support has the more likely they are to be able to help you succeed in a successful postpartum transition.

Reach out and tell us what surprised you as a new parent. Or if you’re interested in getting help with postpartum planning, we would love to hear from you!

Unbiased Doula Support

What difference does unbiased support make?  Types of support a doula provides.  Why does support matter?  What difference can it make in birth experiences and outcomes?  

Definition of Unbiased:

    Unbiased, according to Oxford Languages online dictionary, means showing no prejudice for or against something; impartial. 

   Being unbiased takes practice and humility.  It is sometimes hard to identify our own biases.  As a Doula I need to constantly be watching my internal reactions to situations and especially clients, to ensure I am not judging or pressuring them because of my personal preferences or feelings.

    My goal is for my clients to feel 100% supported in every choice that they make for their birth and baby.  I never want them to feel like they have ”disappointed” me or anyone else, because it’s not OUR birth. It’s THEIR birth, and THEY should feel heard and supported no matter what happens in the process.

Definition of support:

     Support, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, has several applicable meanings when it comes to types of support a doula provides. There are a few that people know and expect such as: to promote the interests or cause of; to uphold or defend as valid or right; and assist.

    But there are a couple more that are also important: to keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage (comfort); to hold up or serve as a foundation or prop for something or someone.

    These last two definitions of support are very important. Everyone should have someone or something that is that kind of support for them.

Types of Support:

    Doulas provide physical, emotional, and informational support to their clients.  What does that actually look like?  I’ll give some examples of what it could look like, but it will change with each individual client and their needs.

Physical labor doula support could look like:

• doing hip squeezes or counter pressure during a contraction

• getting water/ice chips and offering to client to help them stay hydrated during labor

• helping client with focus and vocalization during labor

• giving a hug or holding a hand and being silent when that is needed

Emotional labor doula support could look like:

• giving words of affirmation to the client

• giving feedback on how the client and partner are working together

• practicing active listening to help the client acknowledge feelings and desires

• holding space for client to grieve if client's plans for birth must change 

Informational labor doula support could look like:

• providing relevant and up to date information about local birth options and facilities as requested

• providing information for client and partner on how to advocate for themselves in labor

• providing childbirth education and researching aspects of birth the client is interested in or wants more information about

• helping client ask questions to get information about their options before, during and after labor

• providing relevant and up to date information about local postpartum resources and planning

So, if you have a good support system why would you need a doula?

    I'm sure if you're a pregnant person or new parent you know that while friends and family usually mean well, sometimes they don't understand or know your goals and desires for your birth and family, sometimes they don't have the relevant knowledge, and sometimes they really don't understand or remember the circumstance of this amazing time of life.  They just don't get it.

    Doulas are not just friendly support people, but should be knowledgeable or willing to learn and research your preferences on pregnancy, birth, and parenting. They should not only be able to help you see what you don’t know, but also help you find the answers to questions or provide resources and references for your further support.

    They should be unbiased and help you find what YOU desire for your birth, postpartum, or parenthood journey; then, support you in your choices along the way. You should never feel pressured by your doula to do or be anything.  It’s their job to provide you information when you ask, to ask clarifying questions to make sure they’re understanding YOUR ideas/desires, and be the place you can turn when things aren't going the way you hoped.

    Whether you choose cesarean, epidural, unmedicated, or anything in between, a doula can support your choices with understanding and have a desire to help in any way you need.

    Could you or someone you know benefit from this type of unbiased support?  Contact us!  We would love to support you!

Childbirth Education: Being Prepared for Birth

How many times have you looked back on an experience or situation and thought, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have done ___ different.” Or “Knowing that would have helped ______ months/years ago!”  

    I have definitely felt that way at times, but none more than with my first few birth experiences.  Being a mother of five children and one angel baby, I have had a range of birth experiences, and when it comes to birth,  preparation really does matter.

     Knowledge is power.  The power to choose, and not just accept.  The power to be proactive, instead of reactive.  The power to change fear and doubt, into faith and trust.  My desire to prepare better for my fourth birth brought me all of that power.

    My goal was an unmedicated birth. I found THE BEST birth class and childbirth educator in my area.  I read books, joined Facebook groups, and researched doulas.   I switched providers at 28w.  I was determined.  This birth was going to be different.  

     It was different, but in more ways than I thought it would be. I had changed.  Instead of relying on someone else to know “what was best for me and my baby“, I felt prepared to make those decisions for myself because of the knowledge I had worked to gain and the preparations I had made. 

     My biggest obstacle was fear of the unknown pain.  I thought I couldn’t handle the pain, but really it was my fear of not knowing what was going on with my own body. I feared how uncontrollable it felt. Even though I had taken a hospital birth class, I still had fear around what and how this phenomenon was going to happen. I feared my body because even though I had bee taught the basic physiology I had never been shown that this was how the body was made and how it worked to get my baby out.  That I played a vital role in that process.  That my choice to let go of my fear, and trust in my God given, God designed body, in my providers knowledge and wisdom, and my amazing support system, was vital to my perception of the experience.

     I loved that birth.  Not just because I birthed a baby (which is an amazing feat by the way), but because I had taken the time to replace my fear of the unknown with knowledge. Knowledge not just about birth but about myself. 

     I believe that nothing except giving birth can prepare you for the unexpected in birth because everyone is so different. I also believe that every woman regardless of their choice of birth or desired birth, should be given the chance to learn about their amazing body and be prepared in case they don’t get to have the birth experience they want (wether that’s an unmedicated home birth or a scheduled cesarean).  Being prepared can help all involved feel greater joy and love in this life changing experience.

Contact us to learn about our childbirth education classes and how they might help you!

Frequently Asked Questions

What does a doula do?

A doula is a non-medical support person. As a doula, I provide clients with the emotional, informational, and physical support they may need to help them have the best birth experience for them. Whether your goals are a cesarean birth, epidural birth, unmedicated, home birth or any variation of that, I can provide the extra support you need.

I like to compare my job to that of a wilderness guide. You choose the type of birth you want and I help you navigate all the twists and turns and choices to get there. I stand by the choices you make and provide the knowledge you need when unexpected things come up. I provide continuous labor support. While a medical provider may have lots of other patients, policies, and things to worry about, my soul purpose is to be the calming influence you desire to support you throughout your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

What do you do if I want an epidural?

I support you in your choice to have an epidural and help you through all of the what ifs. What if the epidural anesthesia doesn’t work as expected? What if it takes a while for the epidural to be placed? What if I get to the hospital too late to have an epidural? Having the continued emotional support from someone who has been through this type of experience can be extremely comforting.

What if I choose to have a scheduled cesarean birth?

I support you in your choice to have a cesarean birth and help you prepare for the possible outcomes of that surgery. On the day of the birth, I will be there in case your baby needs to go to the NICU and your partner accompanies him or her. I will stay to support you while you recover. I will also be there to help with your partner’s worries or anxieties about the procedure, baby, etc.

What does a Postpartum doula do?

I help you formulate goals around your postpartum health and facilitate the implementation required to achieve or adapt those goals as time progresses. I can assist in Infant care and feeding, light house cleaning or day to day tasks, I’m there to listen to you, and more. I’m a knowledgeable guide in helping you through this sometimes difficult and isolating time.

What does a doula cost and why do you not post pricing for doula packages on your site?

I believe that everyone should have the support they need, by the person that will be able to support them best. This means that having a consult first allows us to get to know each other without worrying about price. In addition, it allows me the opportunity to tailor a package to best fit your needs.